shame of myself

Dear Diary, I was hurt badly yesterday because I cant even divide my time properly. Am I too slow in doing work??? I am so sad not becaus I'm slow but because I was being punished due to my slowness. I dont even want to remember the scene but obviously I will not be able to forget that moment. that moment when I was being punished by mom and the sentences she utter that "today I am very ashamed!!! i am the one doing the tart while this is not even mine. I am very ashaned today. I am ashamed of you!!!!" so, that is the sentence.. Well, by other means it is mean I am ashame to have you as my daughter... thank you for telling me that and sorry for even bothering your life. I promised after I go out from this house, I will never going back whatever happen. I will supply you lots of money so you wont even worrying about money. I will always call you n say that I'm fine so you will never worrying me.. NEVER!.. I am so sad because I only have you right now. My source of laugh and happiness.. However, I am satisfied because Allah still granted me time and health for me to be with you although it doesnt really gives good impact on you. I love you mom forever but dont angry if Im not coming hme. Im doing this beacause I love you and I dont want to hurt you more. Before I success in my dream, I will never show my stupid face eveer.... crying.....